The newborn haze of constant feeding, diaper changes, and (hopefully) some sleep starts to lift, and you might feel like you're finally getting the hang of this parenting thing. Then, around the 4-month mark, things can shift. Suddenly, that baby who was sleeping in longer stretches is waking up more frequently. Breastfeeding sessions become shorter and more distracted. You might feel like you've hit a wall, questioning everything you thought you knew.
This period is often referred to as the 4-month "crisis" or, more accurately, the 4-month sleep and feeding regression. But it's crucial to understand that what's happening is not a regression at all, but a significant developmental leap. Your baby is changing, growing, and becoming more aware of the world, and this impacts their sleep, feeding, and overall behavior.
What's Happening with Your Baby?
Several key changes are occurring in your baby's development around this time. Newborns have two sleep stages: active sleep (similar to REM) and quiet sleep. Around 4 months, their sleep cycle matures to resemble that of an adult, with four distinct stages. This means they cycle through lighter sleep stages more frequently, making them more susceptible to waking up. While this is a sign of healthy development, it can be tough on tired parents! Your baby's vision has improved significantly, and they are becoming more aware of their surroundings. The world is suddenly a fascinating place filled with sights, sounds, and interesting things to look at. This heightened awareness can lead to increased distractibility during activities like breastfeeding. As babies grow, they become more efficient at breastfeeding. They can extract more milk in a shorter amount of time. So, those long, leisurely feeding sessions might naturally become shorter and more focused. Additionally, with their newfound awareness, babies may become easily distracted by their surroundings, leading to shorter, more frequent feeds. It's also normal for a baby's rapid weight gain to start slowing down around this time. While they are still growing, the rate of growth isn't as dramatic as in the first few months. This is a natural part of development and not necessarily a cause for concern, as long as your baby is still gaining weight steadily and meeting their growth curve.
What Mothers May Experience
These changes in your baby can lead to a range of experiences for mothers. The most common complaint is a sudden increase in night wakings. Your baby, who may have been sleeping for longer stretches, now wakes up more frequently and may have difficulty settling back to sleep. Breastfeeding sessions may become shorter, more frequent, and easily interrupted. Your baby might unlatch to look around, pull at the breast, or seem more interested in everything else than feeding. The combination of increased night wakings and distracted feeding can leave mothers feeling frustrated, exhausted, and overwhelmed. You might start to doubt your ability to meet your baby's needs or question your parenting skills. Shorter, more distracted feeds can sometimes lead mothers to worry about their milk supply. It's important to remember that frequent feeding is normal, and as long as your baby is gaining weight and having enough wet diapers, your supply is likely adequate.
What Can You Do?
While this period can be challenging, there are strategies you can use to support your baby and yourself.
For Distracted Feeding:
Feed your baby in a quiet, dimly lit room to minimize distractions. Try to create a peaceful atmosphere, white noise can help with that. Some babies feed better with gentle movement. Try feeding while sitting on a rocking chair, an exercise ball, or while wearing your baby in a carrier. Offer the breast when your baby is drowsy or just waking up. This can help them focus on feeding before they become fully alert and distracted. You can also try dream feeding, where you gently pick up your sleeping baby to feed them without fully waking them. If your baby is having trouble falling asleep, you can offer a feed to help them drift off. A nursing necklace can provide your baby with something to focus on and play with during feeding, which can help minimize distractions. Instead of trying to make the feeding longer, focus on adding feeding sessions throughout the day.
For Sleep:
A predictable routine can help signal to your baby that it's time to sleep. This might include a warm bath, a gentle massage, reading a book, and singing a lullaby. Instead of trying to get your baby to fall asleep independently, try co-regulation. This involves gradually helping your baby calm down with your presence, voice, and gentle touch. You can start by holding them close, speaking softly, and swaying gently. If needed, you can add rocking.
A Word of Reassurance
It's important to remember that this is a normal phase of development. It might feel like a crisis, but your baby is not regressing. They are learning, growing, and becoming more aware of the world. This period will pass, and your baby's sleep and feeding patterns will likely settle into a new rhythm. Be patient with yourself and your baby. Seek support from your partner, family, friends, or a support group. If you have any concerns about your baby's weight gain or development, talk to your pediatrician or a lactation consultant. You are doing a great job, and you and your baby will get through this!
